Succumb to the impulse coming from the depths of our desires, even if we are mistaken? This is better than preventing yourself to live for yourself
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, according to Psychonalist Sophie Kadalen. Listening to our inner voice, we are risking, but we make a choice.
Psychologies: What do you see the difference between our dreams, desires and plans?
Sophie Kadalen: We are now almost no differences between dreams, wishes and aspirations – all these words mean what we want consciously. And to achieve this, we make plans. But from the point of view of psychoanalysis, all our intentions and plans are based on a desire, which for the most part remains unconscious. Our plans tell us about our desires, and vice versa. Desires and plans are constantly “rubbing” to each other.
We think that we strive to implement plans for one reason or another, but along the way we can notice that they answer a completely different desire that eluded us before. In fact, the most clearly we understand our desires only retroactively, already doing something. And then we say to ourselves: “So this is what, it turns out, I wanted!”
How to recognize your desire if it is unconscious?
WITH. TO.: Mental efforts are not enough here. Moreover, this is the least reliable way. It is necessary to give free rein to your “gut”, your inner life energy: we always know when it is blocked when we are bad and vice versa – when everything is exactly as it should be, and we are in our place. We need to learn to feel this movement in yourself and trust it, to note what is interfering with us, responding, screaming.
The royal path here is dreams: they often give a head start to our mind. Another good indicator is our mistakes: erroneous actions, external manifestations of unconscious processes, reservations can give us valuable instructions regarding our desires. Finally, the desires of other people sometimes show us our own or even arouse them.
What prevents us from living according to our desires?
WITH. TO.: Very often we do not proceed to action, because we are afraid of disappointment. In a certain sense, it is more convenient to say to yourself: “Ah, if I only did (a) this and that!” – and not to try to implement anything that draws us imagination, than to find that the realization of our imagination was not as beautiful as we thought. When we, like Alice, pass through the mirror, we will inevitably fall into another world, about which we cannot know anything in advance. Such is life, and this does not always suck us completely. We live in a world in which you need to know what you want.
Meanwhile, we often draw knowledge about ourselves from what we do not want. Disguised that, as we thought, we will bring us happiness, we are forced to clarify the desires that we control, and we have the opportunity to better know ourselves. Truly saving to go to the end in what we considered our dream: it brings great relief.
How to overcome internal obstacles?
WITH. TO.: First of all, we need to determine what we are afraid of – what are, in our fantasies, the risks that prevent us from going in this direction? Liberation is not in a complete and unconditional victory over his fears. It is more likely to reconcile with your fears and restrictions. This, for example, is often visible by our love impulses: we rarely rush to the goal immediately, with one jump. We always find good reasons to do nothing or quickly lower everything on the brakes.
Jacques Lacan said about this: the best sign of desire is to resist this desire. You need to be able to transform your longing and anxiety into jigsaw: the flaws are “shaking” from it, but it does not interfere with the move to action, and when the jacket is overcome, we feel pleasure.
What price do we pay for the realization of our dreams?
WITH. TO.: Listening to ourselves, we are forced to make a choice and expose ourselves to the risk, especially the risk of finding that the path we have chosen was ultimately a mistake, but while we live in a stream of this energy, a mistake cannot damage us. The very concept of failure changes meaning: failure is when we cling to the idea that as soon as we come to where we are striving, everything will become fine. If we consider events in constant movement and say to ourselves: “Well, it did not work, but why? What am I mistaken?”, If we do not think binarno:” It was not possible/this “, if you think more about what is still to be done and what you do not need to do, life will seem better.
At the reception, I often hear: “If I really do what I dream about, whether it will be egoism, will I do as a capricious child?”But this is not about that at all. We are much more harmful to ourselves and others if we treat with ourselves poorly.
WITH. TO.: Because sooner or later we will force other people to pay for what they did not allow themselves. Suppressing your desires, your dreams are probably the worst, because the crowded out always returns. It’s like a dam. In the end, the water will break through the dam and flood everything around. The danger is in this, not in anything else. As soon as we find the opportunity to follow our changeable desire, we become much more tolerant. We become much easier, mobile, we are more likely to leave the game, not to look back at others, leave them alone, do not chase them when their preferences are not interested in.
Can not it turn out that, having realized a dream, we will kill our desires?
WITH. TO.: No, because the desire never runs out. Of course, there may be periods of a certain decrease in tone, even depression, when we have just realized a plan, but we will have to learn to live with this emptiness, and something will be born out of emptiness. Living in accordance with your desires does not always mean to be at the peak of energy. You need to allow this phase of rest, time “and what now? Well I do not know”. This is not scary. Since the experience of its success, its mobility allows you to easily change something in life. This is approximately like in tennis or dancing: when we managed to combine complex equipment with freedom and joy of movement, when we became beautiful, we feel it with all our body, we know when it responds correctly, and this knowledge is now with usall life.
The only thing we do not pass in life is death. So, instead of thinking about the final point of the route and striving to find out where we are moving and how, trying to keep our life under the pseudo control (which inevitably ends with a complete lack of control), we must free up a place for adventure in our life.
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